Well, finally had the memorial for Larry. It seemed to go well. I'm still a little shellshocked. It's really a bitch to organize these kind of things. But a lot of people came, they all seemed to get something out of it. I'm too tired to know what to think. What i particularly don't like is that i had no one to help me. Feeling very isolated. Realizing how much i depended on Larry.

Anyway, seen: four movies in the Rendez-vous With French Cinema series (as always, held at Film at Lincoln Center; this used to be an annual event with the French Film Office and MoMA, but at some point it was turned over to Lincoln Center). The movies were: REVOIR PARIS, LES ENFANTS DES AUTRES, L'INNOCENT and LE GRAND CHARIOT. Felt a little estranged going to the press screenings. There are a lot of people my age or older at these screenings, and i don't know most of these people. I wonder what outlets they write for, and how long they've been at this. Saw people i knew, but always feel awkward about talking to people. But did say hello to Ben Keningsberg, who writes for the New York Times. 

Have been consumed with the memorial for Larry which is happening tomorrow. As usual, there are some hitches. One such hitch: i sent an invite to someone who is more a casual acquaintance, not someone who is a real friend, but a recent post appeared on my Facebook feed, so i sent him an invite to the memorial. But then he posted it on his Facebook page! I was furious: Barry and i had decided last week that we weren't posting on Facebook, because we'd pretty much run our limit in terms of how many people we knew would be showing up. So i told the guy to please remove the posting. Actually, i was rather insistent! And so now he's blocked me on FB. Which is fine, but people are so crazy. I sent him an invitation, but that was for him, not for him to issue a blanket invite for others. 

People no longer seem to know what is appropriate. 

A little worried, but i hope things will go ok. I miss Larry.

Ok, finished watching screeners (or links) for the Independent Spirit Awards. Quite a lot of good stuff this year, as well as some movies which just rubbed me the wrong way. I finished up with two which proved very difficult for me to watch. However, must say that there were discoveries. But i did vote, and glad that's done. I'll be surprised if there isn't a sweep (as is often the case with the Spirit Awards) and i'm predicting that EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE will be the big winner this year. (The only question i have, will the momentum for EEAAO bring the Best Lead Performance for Michelle Yeoh, or will Cate Blanchett get that one as well?)

It's President's Day. And now i wonder what i'll do: should i try to get to see some stuff at various museums? 

More screeners. I'm a little exhausted after seeing four movies in a row. Now i'm watching GLASS ONION on Netflix as a breather.

Have watched a bunch of screeners, have to say two were rather typical indie films, low-budget, bedraggled, and rather miserable (as if misery indicated integrity). I'm not going to name the culprits, but i just couldn't make it through either. Tonight watched two more, and they were rather more entertaining. 

 Among other things, trying to get through "screeners" for the Independent Spirit Awards. Have found quite a few to be of great merit, but still have the feeling of dread. At this point, would like to see some movies which filled me with happiness. Instead, there are several movies which are barely disguised lectures. Now, who am i to dislike lectures? My whole performance career amounted to one long lecture! But still, i'd like a little more humor, more vivacity, more joie de vivre! Is that too much to ask nowadays?

 Today, am absolutely exhausted. It is very tiring trying to contact people. In the last week, about 100 people. And i always try to make sure that there is a personal message, so that it doesn't feel rote. And that means trying to make a real connection. It's not just exhausting, it's depleting. I feel worn out. And i'm still lonely. So there's that. 

 I know that Pauline Kael would get upset when younger critics would despair about Godard, and say something like maybe he wasn't as good as we once thought, because, for her, that extraordinary burst of creativity from BREATHLESS to WEEKEND represented all that she had ever hoped for in terms of film. Films that were alive and so resolutely of the moment. Not that all the films were on the same level: Pauline had reservations about LE PETIT SOLDAT, A WOMAN IS A WOMAN, MY LIFE TO LIVE, THE MARRIED WOMAN, ALPHAVILLE and PIERROT LE FOU. "Even a film like Godard's LES CARABINIERS, hell to watch for the first hour, is exciting to think about after because its one good sequence, the long picture-postcard sequence near the end, is so incredible and so brilliantly prolonged. The picture has been crawling and stumbling along and then it climbs a high wire and walks it and keeps walking it until we're almost dizzy from admiration." One ironic note: there were those films which Pauline felt were truly original and great, and she wanted to be the one on record to explain those movies. For Godard, those movies would have been: BREATHLESS, BAND OF OUTSIDERS, MASCULINE FEMININE, 2 OR 3 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT HER, LA CHINOISE and WEEKEND. She was able to write on all those movies with the exception of 2 OR 3 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT HER, and, after she retired and was interviewed, she always mentioned her regret that she never got to write about that film. But seeing MASCULINE FEMININE again, i'm reminded of her excitement about that film: "MASCULINE FEMININE is that rare movie achievement: a work of grace and beauty in a contemporary setting."

 Last night, watched some of TCM's tribute to Jean-Luc Godard: MASCULINE FEMININE and CONTEMPT. Enraptured remembering the excitement of youth, especially in relation to MASCULINE FEMININE. It seemed as if no filmmaker before or since had ever been able to capture the moment as fully and as incisively as Godard. Those truly weren't just movies we wanted to see, but movies we wanted to live! And to see them again, just brought that rush of feeling.